Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The Heat of the Kitchen

There are certainly many opinions and viewpoints about Sarah Palin's abrupt resignation as governor of Alaska. I've lived in Alaska and I can tell you the one thing Alaskan's have little respect for is someone who quits when the going gets tough. Consider also her reasons for quitting: Ethics complaints and the media.

Ethics complaints are the price of doing business in Alaska. Aside from mineral and hunting issues, the governments in Alaska are small ones, perfect breeding ground for partisan politics. In essence, her reason for quitting are not political, but personal.

This begs the question: How important was the role of Governor to Sarah Palin? By all appearances, taking into account her actions after being tapped by McCain for VP, it was not very important at all.

Conservatives everywhere can heave a sigh of relief: Sarah Palin has committed political suicide. By quitting when the going got tough, there is no longer the danger of her splitting the Republican party in 2012.

(Thank goodness we found out how she felt about the First Amendment before she held high government office. As long as she's the one using it everything is fine—including personal attacks on her opponent's family members. But when someone else uses the First Amendment she's all outrage and legal threats.)

She'll certainly still be the poster girl for 6000 year-old cavemen and the neo-cavemen who want to return us to the Stone Age under the guise of patriotism. Photo-ops, interviews, junkets to other states—oh, yes, life is good.

Sadly someone will talk her into forming an ultra-conservative "Cow Moose" party—if someone hasn't already. Teddy Roosevelt she is not.

But now the movers and shakers of the Republicans will hesitate—hesitate—when her name is put into any hat. After all, she quit once. So what's to keep her from doing it again?

Friday, July 3, 2009

Me Caveman; You Post-Modern

The perplexing question of why supposedly rational people believe Evolution is the source of all our social ills cannot be answered if you look at it rationally. A sane, sensible explanation is not forthcoming. The key to answering this is simple: if you discard the rational (as they have) then you're left with the irrational.

They're cavemen. Not cavepeople, but cavemen. Cave-dwelling, hunter-gatherer culture and society. Males go out and find food. Females raise babies and prepare food.

Cavemen worship the great thunder-god Yah. Since He's a thunder-god on the top of a mountain he's naturally the god of war. Invade another tribe's area, loot them completely and return home with the spoils to celebrate. Other tribes are not human, so we can do what we want with them: take them prisoner, torture them and then torture them again.

Above all, Cavemen want to return to the time of Cavemen. When their whole tribe was united together against other tribes, cavemen acted like manly cavemen, worshipped the great thunder-god Yah and women would fuck and make more Cavemen. It was so because Yah said it was so.

Now in the midst of great changes and advances in science, medicine, communication and world culture, Cavemen shamans have risen up and said, "This bad! This no Yah! Is not tribe, is not money—is DARWIN!" And all the Cavemen howled and beat their clubs against the ground. And the shamans sent runners to other Cavemen tribes who spoke around the campfires of the evil sorcerer DARWIN who opposed the great thunder-god Yah.

And so the Cavemen turned to their shamans for guidance. And the shamans said: "Yah has spoken! Yah made the world. To question Yah is taboo! The Great Stones are Yah's word! If any say is not Yah, beat them with clubs!" And the Cavemen held their clubs up high and chanted, Beat them with clubs! Beat them with clubs!

So the Cavemen went unto the schools and said, "DARWIN is not Yah! Yah made world! You teach DARWIN we beat you with clubs!" And the Cavemen held their clubs up high and chanted, Beat you with clubs! Beat you with clubs!

But the lawgivers of the people rebuked the Cavemen. "By the rule of Law, our Constitution, you cannot teach Yah in the classrooms."

And the Cavemen replied, "Law is bad! We no follow law! Law is Great Stones! Worship Yah in classrooms!"

But the shamans conferred with one another and then said to the Cavemen, "The lawgivers say no Yah? Then no say Yah to them—no say Yah to anyone! Say Yah only to other Cavemen at Cavemen campfires. Yah is BIG secret! We trick them so they not teach DARWIN. We tell all DARWIN is bad, DARWIN is weak. Trick them all!"

So the Shamans and the Cavemen spoke of The Maker, very smart, very clever. "You see world is big and confusing," they told the lawgivers. "You no understand, we no understand, must be BIG brain to make all. Made all around us all at once! BOOM! Is life. Is world. You see; Big Brain Maker did it all."

But the lawgivers were not fooled and they told the Cavemen, "Your 'Maker' is just another name for your great thunder-god Yah. Don't waster our time with your silly little tricks."

And the Cavemen howled with fury and pounded their clubs against the ground. The not-Yah secret was so good, such strong magic! Why didn't it work?

But the Shamans were not deterred. "Keep Yah big secret still. No say Big Brain anymore. Tell them DARWIN bad. Tell them DARWIN bad because DARWIN is DARWIN, and DARWIN is always bad. Make like DARWIN very bad man, hates Yah. Tell them DARWIN made Evolution, but Evolution is BIG mistake, full of holes. Is crazy thing cause not Yah."

And the Cavemen once more spread the word of the Shamans, and the tales grew in the telling. "DARWIN make our daughters big-bellied cause DARWIN make our daughters fuck." "DARWIN makes our little ones say Yah is bad!" "DARWIN turns our boys into girls and our girls into boys so they don't make more Cavemen." "DARWIN make females disobey males." "DARWIN makes our females abort babies so DARWIN can eat them! DARWIN really likes to eat babies!"

And so this is what it has become: a select group of Cavemen who seek to destroy our culture, our civilization, our very society, in order to save it for their great god Yah.